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How do I handle my wife?

I'm a south India of age 29 and I have been married at 26. I have a 2 yr old female kid. We live as a joint family with my Father and mother. As my mother isdf bit ill, My father is taking more care on her. Generally he will take care and will not get much tension. My wife is jealous and she blames me and my mom always.
According to a proverb- It is better to live in a corner on the housetop, than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. Do you sometimes feel the same? Has your lovely wife changed into a condescending nag? Do you want that warmth back in your relationship that you had till a few years back?
If you are tired of the gasping and sighing, and all the criticism that your wife heaps on you, then you are on just the right page! So read on to make your life much better as we bring to you some practical tips, to deal with your nagging wife.

#1. Stay calm

A lovely wife transforming into a nagging one can happen either gradually or overnight. Accept the fact, and try to adjust your attitude. If she seems to be getting really hyper, then you simply be calm and composed to accommodate this new ‘bad’ habit of your wife. When she starts with her list of complaints or instructions, simply kiss her affectionately and try to divert her attention. Over the time, she will ease down too.

#2. Surprise her

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Derail all her arguments with a sudden and unexpected act of kindness. In fact, any nice gesture from you during this irritated time would be unexpected for her. Bring her flowers, get her movie tickets, take her out for candle light dinner, or simply make some iced tea for her. Do something so romantic and out of character, that she will suddenly forget all the complaints.
Also Read: 9 Most Romantic Date Night Ideas for Married Couples

#3. Talk to her about appreciating differences

It is a fact that nobody is perfect. So, whenever your wife starts nagging you about your bad habits, just tell her very calmly that she should understand that you are only human. You can and will try to change things that annoy her! Yet at the same time, once she calms down a bit, explain that even you would like some of her ways to change. Keep in mind that the self-esteem of many women is more fragile than a porcelain cat, so be very tactful while telling her all these points.
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#4. Don't take every little thing to heart

Sometimes an off-handed comment feels like a nag or a criticism, when it actually might not be so. Instead of giving instant reactions to her, remember to pause and think. Ask yourself whether she meant anything negative by the comment she made.
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#5. Try to find solutions

Life is all a matter of perspective. Show your wife how lucky you both are to have each other. Try to appreciate her, and take a break to find some workable solutions to her problems. When she is in a better mood, just sit with her and see what you can do about your habits that bother her.
Must Read: 6 Best Exercises For Women To Flaunt Slimmer And Toned Calves

#6. Tell her to accept you

If she nags you about your habits, like working late, spending time with friends or your eating habits, then just explain to her that there are some things in your life that she has to accept, if she loves you. This is always better than arguing with her and getting into a fight. Just tell her to accept you with your faults, and trust us, she will eventually learn to ignore the things that annoy her. 
Also Read: What Women Want in Bed but Never Say

#7. Take a break

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, remember? So, take a break from each other. Try to be away for a little while. You can plan a short getaway with your friends, or schedule an outstation business meeting. This will give you both enough time to value your relationship. So, during this break, just try to remember all those points. By the end of the break, you both will miss each other and you will forget the nagging soon.
In married life, sooner or later, there may arise a situation when you become angry towards your spouse. Being emotionally closest to your spouse, you release your frustration upon them. However, it could be very difficult to handle a situation if it goes out of hand.
Usually, things that go out of control, start off as very minor difference of opinions or small misunderstandings. These can easily be solved with a little patience, open communication, and with a little humility towards each other. The best thing to do is to find a way to tactfully handle the troubled situation without getting frustrated.  Let’s take a look at how Atma Gnani Pujya Dadashri skillfully handled a situation so as to avoid a conflict with his wife.
Dadashri: Once I had a conflict with Hiraba (my wife). Even I became trapped in a difficult situation. I used to call my wife, ‘Hiraba’. As a Gnani Purush, I can either address women as, ‘Ba’ (mother: gesture of respect towards elderly ladies) or as ‘dikri’ (daughter). If you are interested, I can tell you. It is not a long story, just a short one.
Questioner: Yes, do tell us.
Dadashri: One day we had a conflict of opinions (“conflict” or “difference of opinion”). The mistake was mine; Hiraba was not at fault.
Questioner: She may have made the mistake, but you claim it was yours.
Dadashri: Yes, but it was not her mistake, it was mine. I am the one who does not want any conflict. She did not care whether a conflict took place or not and because I did, it is considered my mistake. If I do this (Dada hits the chair), does the chair get hurt or do I get hurt?
Questioner: You.
Dadashri: Therefore, it is up to me to understand. So anyway, one day there was a conflict and I got trapped. Hiraba told me that her brother’s eldest daughter was getting married and then asked me what we should give her as a gift. It would have been fine if she had not asked me. Whatever she wanted to give her would have been just fine and I would not have objected. However, when she asked me, I responded according to my intellect and said, “Rather than having new silverware made, why don’t you take one or two pieces of the silverware we have in the cupboard and give them as a gift?” Do you know what her reply was? In our house words like ‘mine’ and ‘yours’ are never used. Only the words ‘our’ or ‘ours’ are used. So she said, “When your uncle’s son got married, you gave huge silver plates.” Now on that day, she used the words ‘mine’ and ‘yours,’ when normally she would say ‘ours.’ She would never make the separation of ‘mine’ and ‘yours’. This was the first time. I thought to myself, “Today I am trapped!” I realized my mistake instantly, and looked for an opportunity to get out of the predicament. Now, how could I mend this damage? The bleeding had already started, so how could I apply the bandage in order to stop the bleeding?
One of the most believable stereotypes in society is that men are totally dominative over the wife in marriage. Still, some men prefer a specific type of women who do not prefer to be passive in a relationship. Read more: https://www.naij.com/1088920-how-handle-a-wife-marriage.html
Nagging is a frequent complaint of married couples. It is a cycle of behavior that usually starts if one party feels nagging is the only way to get what he or she wants. If your wife's nagging is getting to you, there are various ways to cope. In the moment, stay calm and respectful and, if necessary, disengage. In the future, however, work on addressing big picture issues and making small changes with the goal of cultivating a happier, more harmonious household.
Part 1

Protecting Your Emotional Health

1

Try to calm down. In the heat of the moment, you might feel like the nagging is impossible to deal with. And it certainly can be frustrating and hurtful. However, try not to let it upset you too much. Anger and hurt can have negative effects on your mental and physical health.[1]
o    You’re already dealing with a lot of stress because of the nagging. Try not to let it harm you further. Stress can cause headaches, increased heart rate, and hyperventilating.
o    Take five deep breaths, slowly breathing in and out. This will help calm you.
o    After you leave the situation, try listening to soothing music or taking a hot shower.

2

Walk away. Nagging can sometimes feel unbearable. If your wife simply will not stop being negative towards you, you should feel free to walk away. No one has the right to try to make you feel bad about yourself.[2]
o    Make it clear that you are finished with this interaction. You can say, “I am going to take a walk to calm down. Your words are hurtful.”

3

Acknowledge your emotions. When you are dealing with constant nagging, it is important that you recognize how you are feeling. Repressing your emotions will likely only make you feel worse. Instead, work on being open about how you are feeling. Some common emotions are:[3]
o    Anger
o    Frustration
o    Worry
o    Self-doubt

4
Practice self-care. Working to protect your emotional health is important. When the nagging is causing you a lot of stress, remember to take some time for self-care. Self-care is the act of treating yourself kindly and allowing yourself to take a break.[4]
o    Spend some time outside. Take a hike or catch a baseball game.
o    Treat yourself to your favorite food.
o    Take time to go catch a movie you’ve been wanting to see.

5

Vent your frustrations. It’s not healthy to keep your emotions bottled up. That can lead to even more frustration and anger. Instead, give yourself permission to voice your feelings. This can help give you some relief.[5]

o    Get together with a trusted friend and tell them that you need to talk.
o    Try writing in a journal. It can be cathartic to write down how you’re feeling.
Part 2
Finding Positive Ways to Assert Yourself
1
Define the problem. No one likes to be nagged. But which part of nagging is bothering you the most? Is it the requests or the way that they are phrased? Or is it possibly the timing or frequency of the nagging that bothers you the most.?[6]
o    Are you actually mad that your wife asks you to take out the trash? Or are you more upset that she asks you to do it the minute you get home from work?
o    Once you can clearly articulate the problem, you’ll be better able to address it.
2
Offer to negotiate. Your wife might feel defensive if you make demands. Instead of insisting that she immediately change her behavior, try taking a more sympathetic tone.[7]
o    For example, you might offer to meet her halfway on an issue that bothers you.
o    You could say, “I’ll be happy to take out the trash, but the minute I get home from work is not a good time for me. I’ll start taking it out in the morning instead.”

3
Clarify your feelings. When you are feeling stressed, it can be easy to allow yourself to become argumentative. Try to avoid this, and have a productive conversation with your wife instead. Make sure to clearly state how you are feeling and why.[8]
o    Use “I” statements to avoid casting blame.
o    Try saying, “I feel stressed when you ask me several times to do one thing.”
4
Reassure yourself. If your wife doesn’t see your point of view, you might feel discouraged. However, it is important that you stand your ground. Remind yourself that you count and that your feelings matter.[9]
o    Tell yourself that no one has the right to discount your emotions. Even if your wife doesn’t see your point of view, your feelings are valid.
Part 3
Working Towards Better Communication
1
Listen carefully. The best way to understand your wife’s point of view is to listen to what she is saying. Take some time to work on bettering your communication. This includes practicing your active listening skills.[10]
o    Show that you are listening by maintaining eye contact and making gestures such as nodding.
o    You can also indicate your interest by paraphrasing. For instance, “I hear you saying that you feel I don’t help out enough around the house.”
2
Find ways to agree. You need to have an open and honest conversation about your wife’s behavior. During this conversation, try to find common ground. You might find that you are actually both frustrated by the same things.[11]
o    You could say, “I agree that we’re not really working together on household chores. How could we create a more fair division of labor? I’m feeling really put upon lately.”
3
Show affection. The nagging might be a serious problem for you. But remember, there are lots of things you love about your wife, too. Reconnect with each other by being affectionate.[12]
o    Take time each day to hug your wife.
o    Be affectionate by rubbing her shoulders while you watch TV.
4
Make sure you are heard. If you are constantly dealing with nagging, you’ve probably asked your wife repeatedly to stop. She might seem to be listening and even agree to your requests. But it’s important to realize that that is not the same as actually being heard. Being heard means that your wife is taking in what you are saying, understanding it, and acting on it.[13]
o    If your wife continues this behavior, she’s clearly not hearing what you are saying. Make your emotions clear.
o    Try saying, “I have explained to you that I feel hurt, angry, and frustrated. I feel that you are not hearing me, because you continue to nag me, even though it hurts. I need you to understand my point of view.”

5
Go to counseling. Sometimes couples hit a rough patch. If your efforts at fixing the problem don’t seem to be working, you might want to consider some outside help. Counseling can be a great way for couples to learn new ways to communicate.[14]
o    Ask your wife if she is willing to attend counseling with you. That way, you can work on solving the problem together.
o    If she doesn’t want to go, you can go on your own. You can still get help processing your emotions.
6
Revisit the issue. It is important that you get some kind of resolution. It is not fair for you to have to live with all of these negative emotions. If your wife does not changer her behavior, you need to keep revisiting the issue.[15]
o    Make it clear that you are not going to let the matter drop.
o    Try saying, “I know we just talked about this last week, but I haven’t seen any positive changes. I need you to realize how hurtful you are being.”

7
Insist on change. If your wife simply won’t stop, you have every right to demand some sort of resolution. If you have tried to communicate and maybe even tried counseling, it might be time to make a firm demand.[16]
o    Think about whether the nagging is a deal breaker for you. If it’s not, you can keep trying to make your wife hear you.
o    If you just can’t take it anymore, make that clear. Try saying, “I can’t continue to live with this stress. If you can’t make some immediate changes, I’m going to have to consider taking some time off from our relationship.”
Part 4
Seeking to Understand Your Wife’s Behavior
1
Put the comments in perspective. Take a minute to put yourself in your wife’s shoes. Is she really that upset about the trash? Or is it possible that she is upset about a bigger issue? Many times, people will fixate on a smaller issue to hide their anxiety about something major.[17]
o    It’s possible that your wife feels like you aren’t actually hearing her when she speaks. This might cause her to keep harping about the trash, when really she is needing you to acknowledge her words.

2
Show interest in her. It’s possi ble that your wife needs some more attention from you. It is also possible that she is having trouble voicing her emotions. Take a minute to consider what she’s nagging you about.[18]
o    Is she constantly demanding that you make a point to come home from work earlier? Although unpleasant, this might actually be her way of saying she needs to spend more time with you.
o    Try spending a little more quality time with her. Take some time to sit and talk at least once a week. You might find that the nagging stops.
3
Re-frame the issue. If you have a feeling that your wife’s nagging isn’t actually about taking out the trash, take some time to consider what the issue really is. Then figure out how to put that into words. Ask her if you can talk, and then work towards resolving the issue.[19]
o    You might say, “I hear you saying I’m always too busy to take out the trash. Is it possible that you feel I’m too busy to make time for you?”
o    You can also re-frame the issue by explaining your side. You could state, “I know if feels like I ignore your requests. But actually, I’d rather take time to chat with you than do chores right when I walk in the door.”
4
Assume good intentions. When your wife is nagging you, it is natural to focus on the negatives. You might find her irritating or annoying, or even mean. Try to combat these feelings by thinking about her intentions. You may find that she really has your best interests at heart.[20]
o    For example, maybe your wife constantly nags you to go to the gym. Take a moment to understand that she probably just cares about your physical health.